


if you’re awake then i am too

by waveydnp



Series: fics for people [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 12:13:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17704058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waveydnp/pseuds/waveydnp
Summary: phil is anxious and dan takes care off him





	if you’re awake then i am too

**Author's Note:**

> written for tobie <3

Phil’s bouncing his leg restlessly. It’s not always a bad sign; Phil’s never all that great at sitting still, but sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s a physical manifestation of a heart that’s beating too fast, of frayed nerves and a twisted stomach and a feeling that everything is out of his control.

Dan sees the leg as he passes by the room they’ve set asiding for writing and editing. He makes a mental note of it and carries on down the hall. He’s got a kitchen to clean and thinking to do, and Phil needs some time to himself whether the leg is a bad sign or not. 

He’ll check on him a little later.

When the time comes for said check, Dan sees Phil sat in front the computer still, twisting the toggles of his hoodie around his fingers and staring at an empty word doc. The coffee Dan had brought him hours ago sits beside his arm completely untouched.

Unlike the leg, that’s never a good sign. Dan steps into the room and walks up behind Phil, put his hands on either side of Phil’s neck and rubs the pads of his thumbs into the tension he finds there.

“You alright?”

The leg maintains its steady pace. “Feel weird.”

“Yeah,” Dan says gently. “What can I do? Reheat your coffee?”

Phil looks over at his mug. “Oh. Whoops.”

“Or maybe caffeine is a bad idea right now.”

Phil stops his leg and spins around in his chair to give Dan his full attention, or as much as he can manage in his current state. He looks up at Dan, fingers still working aimlessly at the toggles. Even his eyes are somehow fuzzy at they stare back at Dan’s.

“Nothing happened,” he says, like he owes Dan an explanation.

“I know.” He knows because it happens to him all the time. It’s not the same, but there’s enough crossover that he understands the feeling of being at the mercy of one’s own brain when it’s refusing to operate within the laws of reason.

“I can’t focus.”

“So don’t,” Dan says, smoothing Phil’s unwashed fringe back off his forehead. “Take a break.”

“Nothing to take a break from. I haven’t done anything.”

Dan takes his hand and pulls gently. “Take a break from feeling guilty, then.”

Phil sighs, but lets himself be pulled up out of the chair and towards the door. “I don’t know how.”

Dan’s not going to answer that directly. He doesn’t have a good one anyway, all he can try to offer is a semi decent distraction. “Wanna watch something?”

“As long as you’re not bothered that I won’t really be able to pay attention,” Phil says miserably.

Dan stops walking and pulls Phil close to him wordlessly, wrapping his arms around Phil and squeezing rather tightly. Phil sighs again, but this time there’s contentment underlying the breath he exhales. He lays his head down on Dan’s shoulder and murmurs, “That’s nice.”

“Wanna go to bed?”

“Not sleep,” Phil says.

Dan agrees. “Not sleep.”

-

It’s something about control. Dan doesn’t fully understand it and Phil doesn’t really know how to explain, but it works for them. 

More often than not when Dan can tell Phil is feeling lost in his head, powerless to the anxieties that have no name, this is where they find themselves. Naked, in bed, Phil on his back and Dan above him. It’s always like that, Phil laid out and Dan taking care of him.

Dan taking control.

Maybe it’s because Phil feels such a lack of it on days like today. Maybe it’s because letting Dan take the lead is the one decision he knows how to make. He gives Dan the control so he doesn’t have to worry about not being able to himself.

He knows Dan will be gentle. He knows Dan will kiss him and go slow and touch him in the places he likes to be touched. It’s a trust that goes bone deep, and Dan takes it very seriously.

In some ways it doesn’t even feel like sex. Opening Phil up with slick fingers and rolling his hips slowly to push inside doesn’t feel like chasing the high of orgasm. It’s not about building up to something.

It’s about being grounded in the present. It’s about making sure Phil is focusing on what’s real, on what he’s experiencing in the moment and not the lies his brain wants him to believe. This kind of sex is about feeling Dan inside him and the brush of Dan’s lips on his, about hearing the sound of Dan’s moans and the pretty words Dan whispers into his ear.

Sometimes they don’t even come, in fact Phil rarely does, and they’re long past the point where Phil has to reassure Dan that it doesn’t make the act any less important to him. 

Today Phil is hard because Dan is stroking him as he slides in and out, but many times he isn’t. Often his cock will rest soft and pink between their bodies and he’ll put all the focus he has on kissing Dan. He’ll wrap his long legs around Dan’s waist and grip Dan on either side of his face and kiss like they’ve travelled back in time to the days when kissing each other was still new. 

Today he’s watching Dan’s face intently, seeming to find something he needs in the proof that it feels good for Dan. Because it really does, it feels so good. Dan tries hard not to make it about the things sex is usually about for them, but sometimes it’s easier said than done. He has to remind himself to go slow. He has to remind himself that it’s not about him, because the tight heat and the friction against the inside of Phil’s body is enough to have him forgetting himself.

He tells Phil so, because talking is as good a distraction as any, for both of them. “You feel so good.”

“I love you,” is Phil’s response, and it’s more than enough for Dan to refocus his energy on what he’s meant to be providing. 

“Love you more.”

Phil reaches down and pushes Dan’s hand off gently. “Sorry, just…”

Dan shakes his head. “No apologies. D’you wanna stop?”

“No. Keep going please. I just wanna stay like this.”

“Does it feel ok, though?” Dan asks.

Phil wiggles a little like he’s taking stock of himself. “Maybe a bit more lube.”

Dan slicks them both up generously and keeps going. He keeps going until he can’t anymore, until every muscle in his body aches and he’s struggling to stay hard. He stops moving against Phil but doesn’t pull out or away and instead leans down to catch Phil’s mouth with his. He grows soft as they kiss and eventually slips out. Phil doesn’t say anything and doesn’t seem keen to stop kissing, so Dan rolls his exhausted body backwards and pulls Phil on top of him.

They don’t stop until Phil’s stomach makes a ridiculously loud rumbling sound and they both burst into a fit of giggles against each other’s faces. 

“Hungry are we?” Dan teases.

“Mm.” Phil drops his head down into the space between Dan’s head and shoulder and lets out a long sigh. “Thank you,” he murmurs.

Dan strokes his hand slowly up and down Phil’s back. Sometimes he’s still afraid of saying the wrong thing when Phil is in a state this emotionally raw, but he forces past that fear to ask Phil if he’s feeling better. 

“I think a little,” Phil says. “At least enough to eat and watch something.”

“What d’you wanna watch?”

Phil lifts his head up and grins. “Riverdale.”

Dan groans like he knows Phil wants him to, because he knows for a fact it’s going to make Phil laugh, and it does. 

“Can we order burgers?” Phil asks. “Ooh, and shakes?”

“You’re spoiled,” Dan murmurs, smiling. 

“Yeah, because you spoil me.”

“Touché.” He stretches his head up to nip at the end of Phil’s nose. “You shower, I’ll order, yeah?”

Phil bites his lip. “Will you shower with me?”

Dan chuckles. “Spoiled.”


End file.
